I Wanna Be on the Back of the Box

6 Comments

There was a golden age of boardgames, before they all got so serious and geared towards old guys who grew up on Dungeons & Dragons and Squad Leader, when they were for kids—and proud of it! And despite the exciting new fantasy and sci-fi themes, the strategic pretentions, the colourful illustration, and the bags of plastic bits, they were still old-school enough to feature the classic ‘kids and/or family playing the game and having fun’ shot on the bottom of the box. There’s a rich and hilarious history of these shots on vintage game boxes, but here are a few of my favourites from the late 80s/early 90s, for your enjoyment.

Space Crusade

Heroquest

Space Crusade, 1990, and Heroquest, 1989. Both these games went for the under-lit studio shot to ratchet up the drama, and it’s just a shame the kids don’t have more serious and intense expressions to match. Mostly they just look overwhelmed by the sheer amount of cool plastic bits on display. I do like the look on the kid on the left in the Heroquest shot though—he’s a sneaky little bastard isn’t he? He’s already got some evil plan hatching in his head to humiliate the kid on the right during the next school assembly. And the guy behind the screen is in on it.

Thunder Road

Thunder Road, 1986. Believe it or not this game was inspired by post-apocalyptic car battles a la Mad Max. Couldn’t really get less post-apocalyptic than this cheery shag-pile scene though, could it? Before you think that kid in the blue is just being a little shit by upending the board, that’s actually part of the game—if you get left behind on the rear board you get dumped off when the board moves forward to the front, hence an ‘endless highway’ effect. Not that he isn’t reveling in his moment of power of course, the little shit.

Escape From Atlantis

Escape From Atlantis, 1996. Wife: “He promised me Paris this year, and instead we’re in this cheap rental bungalow on the coast again, it’s raining, I think he’s having an affair with his secretary, and I’m stuck here playing this stupid boardgame.” Husband: “I wonder if my son is gay?” Son: “My new haircut is so cool, so eighties.” Daughter: “…”

Battle Masters

Battle Masters, 1992. And finally, one of all my all-time favourite shots. Yes, the game really is this big—it’s played on a huge vinyl mat more suited to the floor than any dining room table. Yes, you do get that many plastic figures. They just don’t make ’em like this anymore. But check out those two kids. The kid on the right is just having a good time; innocently enjoying himself, over at his mate’s place to play the new game he got for Christmas. But what about that kid on the left? This isn’t just a game, this is war! He’s the kid who bent your fingers back when he came over to play! The one who got all the cool new games and then broke them within a week! He doesn’t play for fun, he plays to win!

6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Scott
    Jul 01, 2011 @ 20:23:37

    I swear I used to just stand in the toy stores and try to WILL myself into those pictures. I think my lovely parents bought me Space Crusade just so my brain didn’t melt out my ears from over-exertion. (Pretty sure that used up all of my birthday/xmas presents that year and I remember thinking it was worth it! :D )

    For all the ‘cheese’ these old boxes slapped on, I would have it all back in an instant if it meant an end to the ugly boxes that people appear to think add sophistication to a game.

    Prime culprits for hideous box awards that leap to mind are Puerto Rico, Caylus and pretty much the ENTIRE Alea Big Box range. GAG!

  2. universalhead
    Jul 01, 2011 @ 21:35:17

    Scott, I agree with you 100%. For all my taking the piss, there’s a certain special time in a young boy’s life captured in these photos (except maybe the Escape From Atlantis one) – those halycon days when your imagination was firing on all cylinders but no space was being taken up yet with confusing thoughts about the cute girl next door!

  3. Matt
    Jul 07, 2011 @ 03:38:54

    Hey universalhead!

    This doesn’t really pertain to the current post but I just wanted to say:

    1) I love your game sheets. I’ve been using them for a while now and whenever new players/friends are over, they always are impressed by them! So helpful.

    2) I only recently noticed the blog section of the site. I was looking to subscribe to the RSS feed but it seems to be broken? Any help on that front?

    Thanks again for all the work you’ve done!

    Cheers,
    Matt

  4. Nevin
    Jul 11, 2011 @ 12:35:49

    If they put the boys back on the box would they have grey in their hair?

  5. universalhead
    Jul 11, 2011 @ 14:39:32

    Only if they’ve gone prematurely grey.