Beep Beep


Whose bloody stupid idea was it to make cars go beep beep when they’re automatically locked? When you work in a street which is near a shopping centre and people are parking in it all day, this seemingly innocuous sound begins to take on the quality of Chinese water torture. Also, people leave their cars at 3am sometimes, outside houses with sleeping people in them. Didn’t this cross the tiny minds of the perpetrators of this astounding design flaw? Nope, they were too busy devising yet another way for their inventions to disturb the peace. “Engine noise? Check. Fumes? Check. Destroy ozone layer? Check. Annoying little beep beep sound when you lock it? Check! Righto, now for some more refinements to my other masterpiece, the leaf blower …”

Oh, why stop now:

Other Things That Shit Me As I Work From Home
– old men walking by hawking up huge gobs and spitting on the pavement

– council workers parking their trucks just outside and leaving the engine on while they eat lunch

– the same people who feel the need to always shout at each other from one end of the street to the other instead of getting a bit closer to one another

– groups of old women walking by all talking at the same time at about 2000 decibels

– the fact that someone, somewhere in the street is always operating a large power tool, if not a jackhammer

– the house three doors down that has been renovated and painted and now looks like something out of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, ruining the character of the row of houses (I mean – blue walls with grey tiles? Argh!)

– people who leave shopping trolleys from the shopping centre (around the corner) in our residential street – not to mention in great numbers in the park nearby

– the screaming kids next door (of course)

– the damn barking dog a few doors down (of course)

– people who tie their dog up outside the shopping centre, resulting in said dog barking non-stop for an hour

– anyone who goes to the shopping centre and parks in this street instead of the huge shopping centre carpark (see shopping trolleys, above)

– people who eat their crap McDonalds food (from the shopping centre) and then leave all the wrappers in the grassy area at the end of the street

– going to the shopping centre and seeing hugely overweight parents feeding their hugely overweight children McDonalds and Kentucky Fried Chicken at bizarre hours like 9am and 4.30pm

– I’m sure there are more

4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Guy Jeffrey
    Feb 27, 2007 @ 20:16:57

    OK Pete. Time to take a bex and have a lie down. It’ll all be better in the morning 🙂


  2. Universal Head
    Feb 27, 2007 @ 21:44:51

    No it won’t! They’ll still be doing all those things! I can’t stand it! Bwwahh haa haaa haaa!!! (mumble … coff … gasp –
    – thud)


  3. anaglyph
    Feb 28, 2007 @ 14:33:27

    Wait till they start a construction zone nearby and then you can have reversing vehicles going… beep beep beep beep beep … Rrrroarrrr…. beep beep beep beep beep … Rrrroarrrr…. beep beep beep beep beep … Rrrroarrrr…. beep beep beep beep beep … Graaauunccccchh…..


  4. Universal Head
    Feb 28, 2007 @ 14:57:07

    I knew you’d understand anaglyph …! Beep beep.


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