I hate dogs


Yep, there you are, I’ve said it. I hate dogs. Can’t stand them. They drive me nuts, and their stupid owners drive me even more insane. I suppose dogs can’t help being what they are—they can’t help being stupid enough to bark all hours of the day and night at nothing, in an endless repetitive, sanity-destroying way. It’s not their fault that some complete fucking idiot bought them and then shoved them in an inner-city backyard for 23 hours a day. I understand that. But I still hate ’em.

I had no real opinion about dogs one way or the other until I started working from home in inner-city Sydney. Then, slowly and surely, my opinion of them began to turn. I had to endure what so many of the dog owners don’t, which is the endless fucking barking of bored and stressed dogs with nothing to do all day. The owner comes home after work and they’re greeted by their loving doggy companion, but they’re blissfully unaware of the stress and grief their furry friend has caused the whole neighbourhood. And it’s just not people like me, working from home—what about old and retired people who stay at home during the day? Or disabled people? Who speaks for all of us, forced to listen to the same mind-shattering repetitive noise over and over and over for hours and hours?

Not the councils, that’s for sure. The advice from our esteemed council usually begins with ‘have a friendly chat with your neighbour about their dog’. Are they fucking serious? Do they have no concept whatsoever of the lengths to which people will go to deny any possibility of wrongdoing on the part of their beloved pet? You might as call into account the way they bring up their children. People have been shot—and I am not exaggerating. Shot. I politely tried to talk in a civilised fashion with someone about their barking dog once. I was verbally abused and threatened.

The next piece of advice is to get a petition together. Yep, walk around your neighbourhood getting people’s signatures about someone’s barking dog. I need hardly explain the possible consequences of such an activity. You as well paint a big target on your back.

So instead of the person who isn’t taking care of their pet properly having to take responsibility, the onus is completely on the poor people who are quietly going about their day to day lives without inflicting stress and anger on their neighbours. This is wrong folks, wrong. I should be able to call a council hotline and have professionals visit the owner’s house to inform them that there have been complaints about their dog and they have come to check on the dog’s living conditions.

There’s a yappy horror a few doors down, that has been barking its head off for the last four years. Likewise, another large dog that barks in an endless two-bark pattern at all hours. We have a shopping centre nearby where people leave their dogs to bark hysterically for hours while they go shopping. There’s one there that I can instantly recognise—it barks in short, vicious bursts that I can clearly hear even with the doors closed, a street away. I’ve seen it jump into the air everytime it barks. The owner has left it tied up there for hours, at least twice a week, for the last four years, and no one has ever done anything about it. A year ago I suggested to the shopping centre management that someone should talk to the owner. They treated me like a complete loony.

People buy dogs with no understanding whatsoever of the responsibility they are taking on, and everyone around them suffers. They apologise for them to the most unbelievable degree, even when they’ve just chewed some innocent kid’s face off. Amazingly, they seem to be completely deaf to the mindless noise from their pet, even when they’re at home at night and it’s still going off at top volume. And most incredibly of all, not the smallest iota of awareness, let alone guilt, floats through their tiny minds while their animal is driving neighbours to seriously consider selling up and moving.

Personally, I don’t think anyone with a yard of less than a prescribed size, and who hasn’t attended a comprehensive course on dog care, should be allowed to own one. Dogs should be on large properties where they can run around, and where their attentive owners know how to take care of them properly and keep them happy—and not barking.

OK, I don’t really hate dogs. I’ve met some nice ones, even though they do tend to be dumb and slobbery and smelly. I can think of one I even like. Just do me a favour. If you own one, don’t inflict it on your neighbours, OK? Take care of it, teach it not to bark, train it to be sociable, walk it twice a day. You’ve taken on a big responsibility. Remember not all of us love your dog.

PS: Since I wrote this a few days ago, across the street, yet another inconsiderate dog owner has moved in bringing with them yet another big barking dog.

6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Wolrum
    Mar 03, 2010 @ 06:07:01

    You don´t hate dogs. You hate their owners. Me too.
    the animals are just animals, they can´t choose how to act. Are their owners who can choose.

  2. gdotbat
    Mar 04, 2010 @ 06:39:52

    Dude, I totally agree with you. A few years ago we had a neighbor who for whatever reason decided to get a dog, not a puppy, a full grown dog, that barked day and night non-stop! I seriously considered stuffing an ominous narcotic of some sort into a ball of raw meat and tossing it over in their backyard. Seriously!! I REALLY wanted to to this, and I’m not generally a cruel person, but this dog drove me crazy!! At the time my boy was still an infant as well, the damn thing constantly woke my poor boy up. Fortunately my wife stayed my hand, and the owner eventually got rid of the dog. Thank GOD!!

  3. Monkey
    Mar 07, 2010 @ 12:29:34

    I agree that dog owners should be responsible, it is not the dog’s fault that they are stressed and bark all day long. From a dog’s point of view, their source of food, water and care just walked away and isn’t coming back. A dog has no concept of time and separation… a dog separated from it’s pack considers itself separated and lost.
    A responsible dog owner should make sure that their dog is well exercised and trained properly. If a responsible owner trains their dog with a set schedule with regular exercise, a dog will be better behaved.
    I take my dog to work with me each day and he is conditioned to meet people and other animals on a daily basis. He is also a Whippet and is a quiet dog that doesn’t bark much. I have cats also, had cats most of my life, they tend to keep me up more than the dog, only because they love attention.
    But I have never encountered angry people when I talked to them about their dog’s behavior. I think the best bet if you have encountered this problem is to call the local law enforcement and file a complaint, let them deal with the angry owner.
    Or you could get a really annoying recording of a dog barking and blast i towards their home through a stereo 😉

  4. Cy
    Mar 10, 2010 @ 17:36:39

    I can’t express how much I hate them!!! There is one barking right now while I type. I live in Melbourne, inner city sub, and any time of day there is at least one dog barking. I don’t understand the mind set of these dog owners.

  5. Mike
    Mar 18, 2010 @ 09:58:15

    I sympathise completely. When I first moved into my new home, our back neighbours had a yappy little shitehound that would bark at any provocation all-freakin-day. Seriously all day, without seeming to stop for breath. Then they moved out – bliss – and were replaced by people who seem to put all 57 of their babies outside at night when they start screaming. I know it’s probably not that, but it really sounds like it.

  6. Universal Head
    Mar 18, 2010 @ 20:42:35

    I’m continually amazed that no public research or census is done on this topic. The percentage of people who are quietly enduring the extreme selfishness of their neighbours in this regard must be incredible, especially in inner city areas. The last three places I’ve lived have had ridiculous dog barking problems. Certainly a big overhaul needs to be made of the not only the complaint mechanism for suffering neighbours, but the rules by which people are allowed to own dogs. For the good of the neighbours *and* the dogs.